The words, “I love you,” have been said many times to me. It has been said out of lust and manipulation and it’s also been said honestly. In the last few years, I finally realized that there is a way to know if someone actually loves you. In the Bible, I Corinthians 13: 4-7 describes how love comes with evidence like patience, gentleness, kindness, and self-control. Love shines, like endurance through hard times, hoping for the best, believing good things and rejoicing in God’s truth about who he made me to be. If someone says, “I love you,” but is not exhibiting any of these characteristics, then it is a delusion.
Now just because someone doesn’t love you, does not mean you should not love them. Jesus told us to love our enemies. How? With kindness, gentleness, self-control, etc. (I Cor. 13). At times, it may mean that you distance yourself from someone if needed so that you are safe. Some of us may need the help of a friend or counselor to discern the truth about our situations and to learn to love ourselves and others.
Dear God, help me to know that not everyone who says “I love you,” actually loves me. Help me to receive the true love of God. “No greater love has a man than to lay down his life for his friends.” Thank you for helping me recognize and receive true love and to love others the way you would like me to. Amen. (John 15:13)
In deep vibrant purples with fragrance as strong as their apparent will to grow, my 7-year-old lilac bush thrives virulently in our backyard. Why are these plants, or any life so special? Just like their owner, this baby cutting has grown despite the sometimes hidden, sometimes overgrown challenges in its life. Snow, rain, cuttingly cold winds. My most recent example is a medical diagnosis of my ADHD that until very recently had gone “unpruned” for over 40 years. Racing thoughts, lack of apparent focus, impetuosity, self-esteem, organization and more, I have with God’s help made it through to where I am, my will trying to shadowbox in ways difficult to win… bending, flowing, doing the best I can. Like my lilac, I continue to grow, sometimes seemingly hurt by reactions of myself and others, sometimes aware that God was guiding me, pruning me to make my life more beautiful, a difference for others. Nonetheless, praying for guidance, love and support with needed wind, nutrients, water.
Whatever you need pruned in your life, in you, the Master Gardener knows what you need and how to guide you there. I have been slowly opening and becoming receptive to following practices to meditate, to face the day, to be open to the hurt. Letting go in such Contemplative practices of praying without words, just sitting with God, with practices as centering prayer and lectio divina of the daily Scriptures and mindfulness (all prayer is good) daily, following my heart in playing piano and writing, dancing, deepening my connection with Nature, with photography, journaling, exercising and my dog and I training for and doing Pet Pals https://petpalscedarvalley.org/. As I have opened, like the lilac blooms, the Gardener moves in my heart. In the stillness, there are answers through listening.
In John 15:1-17 Jesus says, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the Gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. With each “pruning” I learn more about the wonder of being present, rusting the process, not determining the result. Let it come. Wonder.
Whoever looks on the outside dreams, whoever looks on the inside, awakens…Carol Jung. The Flow of Love, Life. Christ is in all. Are you willing to be still to perceive Him?
What do you see? An unruly child getting messy with paint on her hands and clothes or a work of unjudged, loving creation springing forward. Paint on the face, with a giggle and joy of look what I did, Mom! Just for you! Curls tangled with a bow tilted at a cockeyed angle. We progress in our seeing with the joy deep inside your heart. Only one Being will judge.
Notes from a page or a piano solo expressing gentle, wordless joy of harmonies from the soul? A photograph of almost perfectly correct. The right composition or the capturing of an unjudged image of God’s love across the sky. Is it in the doing or in the process of being in faith? Becoming? A poem flowing from the heart of God’s love creating the world or a series of syllables flowing in exactly correct measure?
My constant fight with trying to fit in, to match up, struggles in life may be partly, but not completely over. Racing thoughts, self-judging, lack of focus lessened with less pressure to be that dependent on others person, that was part of the struggle I have faced. Understand that no one way is right for everyone, and I have found solace in guidance from those who have training to guide me. But I have had to be ready to listen. Are you ready to listen?
The Light in my heart is slowly showing me how to trust, like my lilacs trust their Creator. To be receptive. For example, to see the Gardener in loving friends who have not judged but love, meditation, caring words from the Scripture come to life, and yes, finally try medical intervention as food for the body, nutrients, wind under sails, water. My world may be a little different now. There is much value in knowledge, facts and figures in this world. But it isn’t the only way to gain understanding. Words are only what you allow them to be. Do you take steps to see past the words?
Friends, we all have the opportunity to grow, like the lilacs, giving Glory to the One tending us and with trust in our Master Gardener. Our own pressures created in this world can serve us helping us grow in love with our God. There is a Way to turn that negative hurt with fear of change into an acceptance of Grace from the Father who will give you all that you need if you just take time to see the world as it is. Will you take the time to see, accept it? To reach out in prayer, in Nature, in Scripture, to ministers, trusted friends, family, for example.
As the birds sing out on rainy days and the squirrels scurry along precarious fences, dandelions bloom in the sidewalk cracks, trees naturally bend not questioning the flow of the nutrients. All grow, all accept and move into the flow of being a part of that growing Creation, patience in seeing, accepting yourself and others just to be a part of the whole.
Open, receptive and loving. The fruits of the spirit are the pruning tools. Will you grow as my lilac grows, giving and accepting with love.
Reference also: Guardians of Being by Eckhart Tolle.
Kayla Becker loves to serve and inspire others as a friend, school teacher, yoga instructor, success coach and more. I have known Kayla as a contemplative friend for quite awhile now and truly love the beauty of her heart. The wisdom in her article about truth versus perception in seeing can easily be applied to how to see God and His children with an awakened heart. Thank you Kayla for your service to God and His creations! Blessings, Bonnie
Kayla Becker, guest blogger
One of my first mentors always talked about beach balls
As a metaphor
For how people see a situation.
Depending on which side of a beach ball you are standing
You will see different colors –
If you are standing on one side of the beach ball,
You’ll see the colors green, orange, and white
And if you are standing on the other side of the beach ball,
You’ll see the colors yellow, blue, and red.
And as my mentor told me,
Each person is right
Regardless of what they see –
Because they can only see what is in front of them.
And it’s what we currently know
That is guiding our reality.
Whatever side of the situation – of the ball – we are seeing
Is our truth.
I think about this analogy often when I am working with my clients
Because it is often our perception, our truth,
That is impacting us –
For better or for worse.
Sometimes it’s our perception of ourselves –
“I’m not good enough”
“I’m not where I want to be”
“I always mess up”
“I’m going to fail”
“I don’t know how to get over this”
“I don’t fit in”
“No one understands me”
“I can’t figure out how to change (fill in the blank)”
“I’m such a (loser, screw up, disappointment, hot mess, black sheep…)
And it is these perceptions –
These “truths” –
We have about ourselves
That keeps us stuck.
And other times,
It’s these big, looming thoughts we have about being
Judged
And
Criticized
And
Being all alone
That frightens us the most
Because of past experiences
And memories
That holds us hostage
In our own lives.
And when this happens,
We need to pick up the beach ball
And examine it.
We need to turn it to the other side,
Flip it around,
Turn it upside down
And see what we see …
And that’s one of my roles with my clients –
To help them see and explore something different,
So, they can decide for themselves.
Because sometimes seeing something different is really hard
Especially when we’ve believed something about ourselves, or others, or a situation,
For so long.
Because many times
Those are the ones that are causing us the most anguish
At a recent community event called Pack the Dome, A young girl whom I will call Jenn, 6, held her own in a group of 10 adults at our table (one of 30 such tables in our shift) helping the serve up around 1,000 meals in just under 2 and ½ hours. Pack the Dome 2023 for feeding children in the community! Over 80,000 children will be fed, over 30,000 from our afternoon shift alone!
This awesome community gift of love project involved community nonprofits and businesses including the Northeast Iowa Food Bank, Volunteer Center of the Cedar Valley and UNI.
Jenn’s broad smile lighting up her face shown with this light of love. For 2 solid hours straight, she added her two elements to each pack. I just want to help others, she said and her mommy hugged her. No playtime with friends on her day off from school, just because she wishes to serve others…her mom said, giving her a big hug. That is the way she is…To make something good happen for others. With gratitude for the life, she has. Be merciful as your Father is merciful, Luke 6:36.
Jenn inspired all of us at her table be present, to raise the level of our work. Even occasional moments of building sun butter containers Jenga Style didn’t keep her from her work! (While patiently waiting for adults to bring in more boxes of food to pack). What a blessing to have parents that will raise children to care in countless ways in their communities. These parents are just two of many I encounter.
Jenn was one over 2000 volunteers willing to give their time to serve up over 80,000 food packs for children in this area. In point of fact, there were volunteers turned away due to the overflow of people willing to serve.
Further examples…
During a holiday trip throughout the journey, we were encountering Christ’s amazing Love presenting itself in the most ordinary places from deep South to the Midwest.
The presents that we often plan so intricately with just the right gift for just the right person really doesn’t hold the proverbial candle to the joy of a shared smile and much needed and deeply welcomed service. For example, Annette, the hotel employee who lovingly provided for us in our trip South. “She welcomed us with a big smile, not intruding in our forage into the “breakfast buffet”. Singing the hymns of Spirit, she made her way back into the preparation area to find more of the craved smoked bacon bringing immediate smiles to waiting guests.
We are not television watchers, so her love of her service to others held our attention. Annette carefully watched her guests and attended to each one’s needs. When it came time to leave, we had a few items we wanted to carry back to our room. A bit unwieldy, I almost dropped a couple items. Annette was at my side immediately saying, would you like a baggie? I have one. It’s no trouble at all. Humming quietly, she disappeared quietly to bring it to us.
We finished our delightful visit with friends to a nearby Cracker Barrel, delicious food by the way, when my husband tried to start our vehicle. Less than two hours from a highly anticipated glorious holiday play, the battery would not start. Of course, we could call the Auto club, but that could take hours. We had just studied about acceptance and gratitude for what we had. And if we missed it, it was what it was. But my mind kept working…What to do in a spread-out city without friends nearby? Thoughts of missing this beautiful event caused a deep sadness and tightness in my chest. Then, an inspiration hit me, go ask Cracker Barrel if anyone could help. A long shot.
But at the Barrel checkout, their GM came out and said he had just the ticket and it wouldn’t cost us extra time or money. A quick start battery charger he had just got that had already saved him a couple of times. Flutters of anticipation. God provides. Not only did manager help us, but he recommended an auto shop that sold quick starts. Off we went, got to the store and bought one just before closing. But what if it died again? We need it charged. At the hotel we searched our car, but no extension cord. So, we asked at the desk. This attendant on duty said there was a cord, but she didn’t know if it could work. A big smile lit her face. It seems her boyfriend was coming with dinner soon and was an electrician. He would know. He did! In fact, it was already charged. Off we went and got to the play just in time to meet our friends at the play.
As you go out into your day, remember how you have your own special heartlight to shine in unexpected ways as no one else can. Be merciful because you can, not because you are expected to do so. Stop to say a prayer of gratitude for what you have that God has provided.
How did you sleep last night? Sometimes deep sleep evades me when I allow my mind to work overtime trying to determine why answers don’t come as planned. Tonight, tossing and turning just pulls at my peace.
So, I do what I often do … get up and go out in our quiet backyard. Dressed in warm pullover and sweatpants, I kick off my shoes and pad with bare feet on the concrete patio into the deep darkness of lush, deep uncut grass barely visible in the shadows.
The earth’s softness tickles my feet with loving tendrils of bending growth. The fresh wet air deeply fills my nostrils and flows down into my lungs. I start to feel some grounding.
Tonight, as I look up a blanket of thick cloud masses cover my vision of the sky’s starlight.
I settle in a deep patch of Earth to rest thoughts return that seemed to prickle my mind and try to spin me in sleeplessness.
Bugs find their way into my flesh making a tasty meal for themselves creating a sure-to -come itch in a few hours.
Eyes closed; I stretch out on my back with my arms wide open to the universe. I focus my attention by caressing the grass with my hands bringing them to rest on to my stomach feeling the inhales and exhales, slower and slower. Concentrating on my breath.
Rising to sit in meditative prayer, I feel cradled in the fullness of God’s loving embrace that holds me close.
As time passes, the gentle warmth of white light nudges me to open my eyelids. Slowly I open my eyes a tiny bit to look up…to find a smiling, radiant moon searing a wider space between the thick, dark clouds. Its brilliance pulls my attention into focus.
Entranced, I rest my growing awareness on the power of God’s light as it gently penetrates whatever it touches. Thoughts melt away.
This Light infuses my shadowy body, and my heart trustingly responds with a deep “yes” to “Let go. Breathe. Let go”. Somehow, now less tired, I feel my heartbeat flowing, restorative energy of God’s Love interconnecting all beings including me!
The cloudy darkness will eventually cover the radiant moon, but now, I remember seeing Light behind the darkness. Sleep will come. Infinite Peace. Sleep well, my Child.
Where is a rose most lovely? The deep aromatic fragrance of beauty Soft, fragile petals silken and radiant within and without Upright, graceful stems reaching up to the collar holding awakening, nursing color Flowing full on with the energy of life-giving nutrients Thorns gently protect delicate loveliness within Wherever it is, the magnificence stays Filling the world’s heart with never-before thought of possibilities Because it is wholly love. Beauty in and of itself Hello, rose. Fill your world.
My Burmese neighbor brought a package of homemade rice-coconut cakes in banana leaves to celebrate their daughter’s 13th birthday. Feeling very blessed with learning to share our lives. We share back as well. Learning each other’s names and languages. Hope to share more about how to plant and grow food as they do as we nourish the seeds of friendship.
Virulent dandelions flourishing through the rocky soil Strong oak branches budding Deep, sunshine searing, warming Powerful water flowing into depths unknown
Sky greets me, tail wagging and straining forward as before, in her new warm grey- and -white sweater. Her new mom Jess smiles as Sky confidently moves forward. As I get reacquainted with beautiful Sky, Jess reaches down to stroke her sweet pup. “Sky is improving in her balance and in learning how to be with others after her amputation,” but really doesn’t seem too sure about coming back here to the humane society for our visit. A tentative wag combined with a gaze around the animal pen and while leaning in to my leg confirms her guess.
After a pause Jess continues with her eyes steadily on her pup, “Sky loves to be close to me and play with her tug/toss toy at home. She knows that I need her as much as she needs me. We help each through each day.” Sky gazes back at her mom and gives her a reaffirming sniff and nose lick.
Jess continues stroking her little girl and adds that it has been a tough month or so for both of them…and that they are so grateful for all the loving, caring friends at the humane society in the Second Chances program that allows pets with special considerations to be readied for adoption. Also, that new owners as herself wish to show deep appreciation for those willing to devote sponsor kennels and surgery sponsors. ** Thank you!
Bored by all of our continued “barking”, Sky spots a tug toy by the dog house and runs over to check the scents. Conversation turns to the holidays and the fact that soon Jess and Sky will celebrate their very first Christmas together. Sky seems truly a special gift from God for Jess and Jess for her. Love. Pure and simple Love. As Sky wanders back, she nuzzles closer when Jess bends down to adjust her pup’s sweater to keep warm in the November chill.
Sky, looking up obediently at her forever mom for the next instruction, lays down on command, now just contented to be beside her mom. The bond of trust and love that has been building since they first met is clearly growing stronger.
Jess quietly adds that throughout the decision-making process of whether or not to adopt, each time she visited Sky or Sky was allowed to visit at her home, she quietly believed with all the love in her heart that she would be Sky’s forever friend. They would be together throughout all their challenges. Still, Jess had to consider would be best in the long run for Sky who had gone through so much with coming to the humane society with a deep hurting body, the amputation process. for her loved ones, and for herself.
Finally, Jess listens to her heart and decides to take the necessary steps to adopt her inspirational, loving, young pit bull mix with her missing right front leg and the enormously loving heart!
Since that decision, these two friends have been at each other’s side through periods of adjustment in their life and the lives of those they love. Sky comforts and remains very close to Jess as Jess has needed her during a dear friend’s illness. Jess has consistently been there for Sky, taking her into the vet for regular checkups following Sky’s amputation which the vet says is healing well. Also, Jess, as alluded to earlier, keeps working with Sky in conjunction with her training to grow more comfortable with her new gaited walking, to act appropriately and to be more comfortable around others.
As the chill nipped underneath our coats, and a few more questions are answered, we all have the warm feeling spoken only through our hearts. Joy and Love. Sky has her fur-ever home. Her amputation is over, and the healing takes over, not only of the body, but in her deep, loving heart with so much to give! Sky was home. And so was Jess.
Merry Christmas, dear readers. We must continue to be love. Sky’s deep love-filled heart which does not give up but shows endless determination to love others in spite of her missing limb!
My challenge for you: about a personal “limb” or wound that you really focus (lean) on, spend a lot of time being concerned about, like a job, bill, illnesses, or possible outcome of an event. In other words, what are you willing to cast aside in order to focus on showing the gift of Love of Christ?
Then, set an intention to read Corinthians 1, chapter 13 (below) every day for ten days. Ponder what deep love might look like for a person or creature in your life.
Verses to Ponder: First Corinthians 13
“If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…8 Love never fails.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Awakening Light 